Saturday, July 11, 2009

Growing Pains...Life and Death



This morning my brother, Dada called me and told me my sisters father just passed away.This is the man who taught me a lot growing up and one of the reasons I am the way I am today...it wasn't all good but it was more GOOD than bad..and both sides help create "Miya Bailey" Billy G was his name and he taught me "forgiveness" and how time can heal ALL wounds. Billy had cancer and about 2 weeks ago, he wanted me to come to Asheville to see him before his last day on Earth, so I hit the road and visited him. My mother was also in Asheville at the time visiting him. I walked in his room, and I seen a man in great pain, weak body but strong mind. I was hard seeing the man I once feared, respected, and will always love looking so sick. I'm a man who rarely ever cries and I will never cry in front of another man, so I held it in like a warrior, but I couldn't hold it in so I walked out doors to let it out..I didn't want my mother see me crying...in the middle of this pain, I got a called from Fadia about hosting a party, I called Tuki to see if he was down trying to be strong like nothing was bothering me. But Tuki know me and he in own special way put a smile on my face. Tuki then said "We got to get Samba to stop smoking." I agreed, Lung cancer is noooo joke...I then called my wife to give her an update on Billy. I got myself together and walked back in his room. I seat next to him in bed and gave him a hug. Thinking to myself "this man helped raise me, he is like my father now I'm about to lose him before he can see me reach my goals in life." This is the same pain I felt when I lose my grandmothers. I work hard so my love ones will be proud of me, but it sucks when they don't see you reach your goals...I know he is looking down at me..but I wanted him to feel and see what my hard work was all about...and how the first page of my book started with HIM in 1978..I won't get into the "bad" you will have to read that in my book...but a lot of my habits came from this man...and I watched him change and grow as a man...he helped open a half way house for convicts and drug addicts back home..and he served his community and was a positive role model..he was a HERO in my eyes...and strong to the end..Once me and my crew got in trouble for beating up 3 police officers, 2 of the cops almost died so they tried to give us 10-15 years for almost beating the cops to death, he was the first one there with a lawyer to help me out. I was on the run and he helped sneak me back in town before the police found me (or murdered me) so I could turn myself in to the police...I beat the case because the police started it and it was caught on video tape, but I'm still thankful for him being there for me when I needed him the most....I hope my sister is ok...she was his only child..so I promised him I will always be there for my sister and my mother like he taught me too...thank you Billy G...I love you my brother..and You will always have a place in my heart,mind, and soul....

RIP Billy....always

5 comments:

Rhythm said...

thank you for sharing that. as i told you, i lost my father a few weeks ago. i too, have reflected on the good and the bad. in his memory, i focus on the good, and it helped me to see the good he did in so many people's lives when they came forward to pay their respects.

his death has taught me a lot about life, and while i wish he had been around long enough to walk me down the aisle next year and see his future grandchildren and my other goals come into fruition, i'm just thankful he was able to see me become a woman. and i know he was, and still is, proud. i imagine he now has wings.

sending you love...

rest peacefully, billy g.

sweetmeat said...

Miya,

You are an unbelievable man...your transparency and aspirations are truly honorable! I appreciate you.

As one who has lost many, I truly understand the pain of loss, but there so much joy as well. Many people are not able to fully embrace death, but one thing that has been comforting, powerful and inspiring to me...all at the same time, is our connection to our recent to ancient ancestors. Please know that on the continuum, they are always....AND I MEAN ALWAYS present.

And a note of forewarning/caution *as I have a 2 year old, that came 2 months after my mom passed* THEY DO COME BACK!!! So be a-ware!!! :)

Much love to your fam!

Kristi (from Seattle!)

DaDa said...

Wassp big bruh. Nice post. You I left the day before you got there and we bonded, ate cashews, talked about old days, spirituality, and death. Billy never treated us any different from how he would have treated his own sons. Nikki is stronger than anyone I've seen and I let Billy know that you and I will make sure she's always taken care of. Momma wanted me to write a poem and I started one..kept getting choked up as I looked at the words I was writing. I took a pass on reading it at the funeral and now more than ever I am motivated to complete my book. I looked up to him because of the bad to good transition he made in his life. No other man in our lives have had such a positive effect besides you Miya. I've only felt pure love my whole life from him, you, and Uncle Bert when it comes to family. We know Uncle Bert is not concerned about his own welfare so I cling to you and love you harder than anyone else. So selfishly i say...don't you ever leave me fucked up out here by letting something happen to you. Love you more big brother. See you sometime this week

shyekiera said...

I am so happy when I can see a man so openly express his feelings, especially toward another man. I can not say that I have gone thru a death of someone so close to me, I am blessed to still have my immediately family all here with me, but my prayers go out to you and your family. Everyone has a good and bad side, its human, but to be able to make a positive ransition takes strength. I am glad to know that there are good men out there and he was a good man to take in you and your brother as his own and to shed a positive light on his children.. His light will shine through his children.

Miya Bailey said...

Thank yall for sharing..much love!