The reason I don't judge others is because I'm fill of flaws... I'm not "super human" like some people thing I am...some days I'm in a positive mood some days I just want to be left alone...as a man and as a human being I have fears... One of those fears is hurting the women I love.. I have a fear of letting my wife down, and I have let her down... I fear of letting my grandmothers down and I have before.. And I fear of hurting my daughters & mother...growing up seeing my mother cry for many different reasons haunt my dreams...I remember seeing her cry and not having the control to hold back my own tears... I have made my wife cry and it's the same pain as seeing my mother cry... I can't explain it... I often think i'm the bad seed of my father, but I also question that... If I was a bad seed then why am I being blessed by God? Why was I given this talent? Why are people drawn to me? And why do I have these fears? I often smoke a blunt and dream I'm a bird flying over the land watching peope with that normal lives... No one can touch me, no one can get close enough to my heart... I'm so far up in the sky they can't even see my beauty... Free as a bird...a short life but a happy life...flying away from my fears when they get too close to me... I never wanted to hurt you, but I have to man up now and face my fears because I did hurt you... No matter how far I fly away... All birds have to land and face the world.... No excuses I hurt you and I can't fly away from that pain.
Posted from my iphone
4 comments:
WOW! That was really powerful! It is crazy because I am dealing with the pain of hurting someone very special to me as well. I'm a female and I think we suffer even more b/c we are a little more loving and nurturing than men. I try to find tons of ways to escape from the pain of knowing I hurt someone who loved me deeply but I know I have to deal with those emotions head on. Suppressing them will only make it worse and lead to more fear in the future. I know I did not hurt them intentionally but things from my past made me so fearful to open up that I had to let them go in order to deal with issues within me.
EeshBeesh, thank you for sharing that with me...to be human..it do suck at times..but your right, face pain head on
OH Miya...wow...what beautiful writing in that pain. sigh...
When you face your fears, half the time, they're not even what you thought they would be. At that same distance up in the sky what your fears appear to be small, that's the same size they will be when you land. Fears are just a thought of the unknown, which has not and may not even happen...so why you entertaining it with it if it hasn't even happened yet? Question to think about for the day. A way to take your mind off of it is by doing something kind and out of the norm for someone else, it will make you feel good to bless someone else with a portion of what God has and will continually bless you with. FYI: Practice not doing fed up s... that you know will hurt the ones you love intentionally if it came to light...think before you leap, so others won't weep.
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