Monday, August 24, 2009
The Pain Love Cause.....
I have had many women come and go in my life. The bad and the good...all of them taught me a lesson in their own special way. Like any BOY going into a man I abused that friendship between man and woman...and I often thought can men and friend even be friends without sex crossing their minds...so I stayed away from women so I could focus on money and goals in life...only calling them for sexual reasons, and showing LOVE ONLY in my art and tattoos...I kept my feelings bottled up..so I could stay hard and never be hurt by any human...but love was always in my heart so I poured it ALL in my work hurting women along the way who tried to get close to me..never opening my heart up to express those feelings of passion...the older I got the more I was willing to share myself with others...I met my wife at this point of my life..and she was just as hard and cold as I was...she wasnt very expressive of her feelings for me, so I didn't express my feelings to her...I just knew she was different from what I was use to having...she wasn't into art, comic books, or anything I was into, but she was very loyal to me and had my back when all the others were tired of my shit...So I put all my focus on her hoping she would open you to me..so I could open up to her...I wanted to be loved by her but I couldn't love her the way I wanted to love her because she didn't express her love the way I was use to from the other women I had in my life before her...including my mother...no matter how hard I tried to me...I wanted HER love...the type of love I was use to..but I didn't want to change who she was or how she showed her love...She taught me opposites attract and mates don't have to see eye to eye to be together...but men are selfish, one of the flaws of the human male....we want everything to go our way or no way...which will drive women away...some women are "pleasers" by nature and when they please a man they are happy...but there are also women who want to be pleased by the man and pampered...which one is for me? I know this is random, and I guess its putting my personal life on front street...but expression and letting my thoughts flow free, helps me feel good (or feel better when I have fucked up)....I don't like holding my feelings in anymore..I'm 34 years old and I'm not a boy anymore...I made mistakes like ALL humans do..and I will cont' to make more mistakes in life...but I'm not afraid to face all the things that come with those mistakes..I'm not afraid of what other people say...I'm not afraid to FLY and FALL...I just wish, my wife would forgive me for my selfishness and I hope any women I have hurt will forgive me for crossing paths with me when I was GROWING into a man...I, Miya Bailey am a MAN first...and I have flaws like anyone else...all I know is love hurts..and I never meant to cause pain to ANYONE...everyone woman I have crossed paths with know my focus and my goals...some will fall to the waste side some will ride with me until I fall off the planet...I just know what I want... I will never be understood until after I'm gone...Artist never shine until after death...my focus is to shine while I'm alive to enjoy it...bear with me..and I PROMISE the world will be yours...but if you don't want the world..and you just want ME...then more pain will be caused...I can't change my focus..I'm programmed to make SURE my children and future grandchildren can live off my name forever...I might don't be the best friend, or the best husband and I will be a fuck up, but my LOVE is pure...and my love also HURTS...if you are afraid of PAIN...then you have to leave me alone....because I want the WORLD for everyone around me...thats who I am...and thats what fuel me...any mistake I have made I can live with the "JUSTICE" which is the pain caused by loving HARD...
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6 comments:
wisdom goddess born said...
I respect you Miya because even when you are not sure where you are going...it seems you keep moving toward bettering yourself. I respect the fact that you admit you are not perfect, but that you have deep wishes and desires you are not even sure you can fulfill for someone else. Very real brother, I guess that's why I dig the blog so much.
August 24, 2009 1:20 PM
although your post has nothing to do with why i was mad at you last week, let me set the record straight, yes, miya, we are very different. just becuz im not into art like you are doesnt take away from you being a very dope artist. i certainly dont expect for you to be into hair and makeup just because i am. you show your love by working hard and i show mine by wanting to spend time with you WITHOUT work atleast for a day. That will drive anyone crazy that loves someone but constantly has to share their time with everyone else all the time.
i am a very patient and loyal woman. we ALL make mistakes, i know i have. i just get fraustrated and disappointed when you continue to make those same mistakes as a grown man.
i am also very forgiving, over 12 years, i have tolerated ALOT. i have been with you through court cases, eviction, baby mama drama, physical altercations, deaths, your adult entertainment business, all of your tattoo shops, groupies trying to get you to give in to them, not being able to see you until i wake up to get ready for work, feeling alone and ignored when your on the computer all day on your off day while the whole family is at home, holding down home by myself while you take care of other things,i could go on but u get the point. people dont know how strong i am because im a private person, but your not, and like to post blogs for the world, so i just want everything to be crystal clear. they get to hear one side and make judgements based on that one side.
bottom line is, you know i go hard or go home when it comes to certain things, but i still love you and you know that. the most high put us together for a reason............maybe we should start a marriage or relationship blog,hmmmmmmmmmmmmm,lol.
Bout time my wife commented and shared her side...thank you tashia I love you for that... I have a feeling my book will make us a lot of money lol damn we have been thru A LOT... Didn't know you cared or even read my blog.. I'm happy now
A lurker and displaced ATLien wanting desperately to get home just to get inked up @ COI... but mostly a lover of beautiful things and people. Love IS painful. But Love is powerful and beautiful.
HonniB, you're my hero. I too am in love with an artist... been holding him and the fam down for 5 years now and it's not easy. For the record it makes no difference that we both love art, music, tats, stop-motion animation.... it STILL HURTS. At the end of the day we are men and women before anything else and being in love with a man who has hustle and passion also some emotional baggage from childhood or past relationships is like being in love with a samurai.... they live by a different code.
I was in a relationship where many of the main interests of mine weren't shared by the other person, and it caused problems, though she was supportive in general. The same goes to me in terms of her interests. The fact that the two of you found common ground regardless of your differences is inspiring.
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